Soul is an ageless alter who emerged early on and whose job it was to give me hope so I could survive. His presence is still felt, but he rarely comes out, even in therapy.

Sharky is a primitive alter, who at first couldn’t form words at all. He would grunt and swing his head from side to side and bite things, like tables and clothes and plants. One of the other alters drew a picture of him as a limbless being with a huge toothy mouth. Sharky has learned to talk and eat with his hands or a fork. He doesn’t come out too often, but he likes to share treats with the others.

Davy is four. He is sweet and sad. He was the first to emerge, but he doesn’t come out much anymore.

Anna and Trudi are four-year-old twins. Anna is doe-eyed and happy, with a smile so big it makes my face hurt. She remembers her abuse, but feels no anger, no sadness. She loves a good cookie. Trudi is dark and brooding, a kid in the corner. She remembers, too, but only the pain and sadness and horror. Anna shares her cookies with her. Anna is a member of the core group of alters who come out with the most frequency.

Mozart is six years old. He is very quiet and fragile, and has difficulty breathing. Mozart doesn’t come out very often.

Clay is eight and comes out frequently. For a long time he had an awful stutter and tense muscles, and he couldn’t look anyone in the eye. But he is much more relaxed now. The stutter is mostly gone, and he is learning to meet a person’s gaze. Clay has a scarf we all wear every day. We never go anywhere without it. Clay is also a member of the core group.

Switch is eight years old. He held incredible rage for being abused, but he also felt a powerful allegiance to one of our abusers and turned that rage toward me and some of the others. Switch harmed my body many times. He is not so angry any more, and he has been accepted by everyone in the system. Switch has his own sheriff’s badge now, which he likes to wear around. He is a member of the core group.

Wyatt is a bright ten-year-old who comes out frequently and likes to talk to people as he walks around the periphery of things. He is almost perpetually in motion, usually rocking, pacing, counting, or studying shapes and patterns. Wyatt likes words, and describes things in unusual ways. Wyatt is also in the core group.

Tracy, Kit, Nicky, Lake, Toy, and Casey are “The Boys.” They all appeared in the early months, each locked somewhere in the time when Kennedy was president and only baseball games and Bonanza were in color. Over time, the boys blended until they eventually merged and faded back. They are no longer accessible.

Dusty is a twelve-year-old-girl. She is gentle and kind and comes out often to go food shopping and cook. Dusty takes care of the little ones, sometimes reading children’s books to them. She is disappointed that she exists in the body of a middle-aged man. Dusty is a member of the core group.

Gail is the newest member of the system, having only fully emerged as this book was being completed. She was very quiet at first, but now she is close to Dusty, and they do most things together. Dusty taught Gail how to make bread. At some point they will probably integrate. Gail is also in the core group.

Keith is fifteen. He is quiet, self-effacing, and rarely comes out.

Bart is twenty-eight, easy-going, and funny. His role in the system has changed from scaring everyone into keeping their secrets to protecting the young ones and helping to keep things light. Along with Per, he takes control when crises arise or when my world gets too dark. Bart’s levity has kept us afloat many times. He wishes he were more sophisticated and half-jokingly refers to me as “The Doc” or sometimes “The Stiff.” Bart is a member of the core group.

Kyle emerged shortly after Bart. He was Bart’s age, his buddy and sidekick. Over time Kyle got closer and closer to Bart until they blended together and finally merged.

Leif is in his thirties, with an incredible focus and force. He embodies action, productivity, and accomplishment, with an utter lack of emotion or concern for a second of pleasure. Leif usually stayed just behind me, not taking over completely, but relentlessly driving me to keep moving. He now works with Bart and Per to help me get things done, but at a human pace, and with some cheer and calm. Leif is in the core group.

Sky is in his thirties. He appeared early on to help regulate the flow of emotions and memories so I and my alters wouldn’t overload. The more the system learned to communicate and work together, the less we’ve had to rely on Sky. He never comes out any more.

Stroll is about thirty. He was a serpentine, sexual tool, existing solely for the pleasure of women, emerging any time a woman of any age showed me any kindness at all. Although he is still triggered by women’s attention, Stroll has changed his role to one of support for the younger alters. He comes out only in therapy now, and even there, infrequently.

Per is a gentle, spiritual soul. He is a poet, an artist, a connection to the forces of balance and nature. He is peace and relief. He holds us tenderly in his arms and keeps us safe. Per, a member of the core group, is the father figure to everyone in the system.

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